50 hours before the CFA exam

2 more days to go. Too much on stake. Too much of pressure. And above all, physically I am weak and mentally I have become drained.

This is the situation to the final countdown for CFA exam on 5th June. I am not well. My body has given up. My mind is so tired that even reading a single vignette seems to be the most frustrating thing ever in my life. I have given up everything, including the hope. But there is one thing that has still kept me bounded and committed for the D-day. The ATTITUDE.

As I said, too much is riding on this exam, yet nothing in relation to a job shift or a better pay scale. It is just that I am a pretty egoist and eccentric kind of a person. I registered for this level 2 exam only in over-confidence and a wave of excitement that if I have cleared level 1, I can clear any exam. How ridiculous!!

I know I have it in me to give my best and to give it all. I know I have luck with me (touchwood!!). Yet, the situation now is that I don't see clearing this one this time.

The reason being, I am only 50 hours away from the moment and majority of my answers are going wayward when taking mock. I am finding no clue as of how to find an answer and even how can I come closely to finding it. Over confidence has given way to lack of confidence.

I have taken 15 days leave for the preparation, about Rs 35000 has been invested in it. I have sacrificed fun moments over the last few months, no movies, no recreational activities. Studying in office, fighting with my room-mate to slow down the volume, giving up several occasions I could have got to come home or to go to Gwalior, sacrificed the probable trips to Pathankot and Sammed Shikhar ji, sacrificed the company expedition to Mukteshwar, sacrificed 15 days of leaves, gained about 10 kgs, sacrificed IPL (although I am not interested), sacrificed the opportunity to successfully complete the crunch project I was into and probably degraded my reputation at office of being so mature and responsible that I used to carry.

To add to this, my egoist nature does not allow me to handle and accept failure.

I just hope some miracle happens. I know I have given 15-16 hours a day for this in the last couple of weeks. O God, are you free?