Trying to be at ease

It has never been 3 months that I haven't written down anything here. And it has a reason this time. I am occupied with too many things right now that although I wish to write something here, I won't, because the situations have changed.

Let me explain. When I was in college or at Rewa or my initial phases of The Smart Cube, there was one common thing - Fearlessness. Whatever I wished, I penned down, without fearing about the repercussions. At college, the reason might be that I thought - the management or the faculty is obviously not have the time to read a blog of some XYZ student, and secondly, my thoughts generally reflected that of other fellow students, hence I always had support and more importantly, I was being the voice of others, which I enjoyed.

I wrote many negative things about my stint at Rewa. Though it was true, I didn't fear because there was nothing to fear. Again, no one was going to read that and in any case, I always knew I was leaving that place once and for all in a very short time.

About The Smart Cube, I have always written good things. This has also increased my blog's visibility as I notice that many prospective employees search for the information about this organization through my blog. Simple reason - this is a small company, and not many web links exist about it.

Since the last few months, there have been certain developments in my life which I feel is unsafe to share on this public forum. I have, lately, stopped being so vocal about my personal life. I have realized that privacy is very important and have grown to be matured enough to understand the importance of each word I speak and write. This is atleast what a 16 month stint in a corporate world has taught me.

There are ambitions, there are dreams. I am just not finding the way to realize them. I can see my dreams turning into reality one day, but I am feeling dejected to see that there is no opening I can find. I have taken many wrong decisions in my life and thus, it is becoming more difficult for me to take the next plunge, fearing this might also turn out to be one of those wrong ones.

Whatever I can reveal is - everyone has his own belief and lifestyles, I have one too. Many want to get settled with a secured job and regular earnings, have a family and lead a tension free life. My thinking is that I am already 25, and am just another common man in this world. Why world, even in my local street, I am just nobody. I want to make a difference, but I am not able to find a way.

This post was just to ease myself out of the shackles I have put my mind into. A small illustration of outburst on my very own page might soothe and refresh my mind and encourage it to move ahead. In Hindi, man ki bhadaas nikaal raha hun yaha.